You are worthy of creating a fulfilling life - even if others don’t understand.
I’m Brianna Patti, a licensed marriage and family therapist. I see people in my Long Beach office, and virtually throughout California. When you meet me, you’ll notice I care equally about the big things and the little things. Think: Yes it matters that you can’t help but feel lazy and worthless even though you work nonstop, AND ALSO it matters that they stopped carrying your favorite soda at the local grocery store.
You can read more about me and my work if you scroll below, but first, let’s talk about where you might fit in:
THESE ARE MY MOST FREQUENTLY TREATED ISSUES:
Couples, especially couples in the midst of a big change. Those who are figuring out how to compromise and make shared decisions, or who may be adjusting to a recent shift. We learn how to speak up and to be better listeners so we can respond instead of react. Hint: You have to take turns.
Grief and loss. Not just bereavement, which is it’s own huge experience. But also the grief of being stuck in a life not meeting your expectations, going no contact or losing relationships out of necessity, or having to radically accept a new reality.
Creatives, artists and makers. Is your self-worth wrapped up in your creative outlet, or worse, your commercial success? Does showing your most vulnerable work to others help or harm your mental health? How can therapy help your creative process? Let’s find out!
Relationship skills for singles, friends, and siblings. If you’re going through a friend break-up, figuring out how to be the adult version of yourself with your family, or just want to practice emotional regulation and communication skills in real life, this type of therapy can help.
MY CLIENTS TEND TO BE:
Addressing a big thing in their life for the first time
Professionals needing a soft place to land
Couples, including happy couples!
Neurodivergent…or figuring it out
Creatives, artists, and big-time readers
*These are who my clients tend to be, but of course, I welcome you even if you don’t see yourself on this list.
MORE ABOUT ME
Sometimes, life’s curveballs hit us right in the gut.
Before I ever became a therapist, my personal journey with loss shaped my understanding of grief and the myriad ways it can impact our lives. Whether it was losing loved ones or letting go of relationships, these experiences taught me the importance of radical acceptance and rebuilding a supportive community from scratch. It meant taking time for solitude before welcoming others back into my life. It meant getting comfortable with pissing people off.
Some things can’t be learned in a master’s program. In addition to my years of practice, taking specialized courses, and reading a lot (see my reading list below), it was repairing the fallout of my own unexpected life experiences that made me a better therapist.
I take people’s pain seriously. I take chosen family seriously. I fundamentally believe that we know what’s best for ourselves, even if other people don’t get it.
Therapy tip: Build a morning and night routine!
I use my lived experience to validate those who protect themselves in ways that society often misunderstands. This includes those who are grieving, whether from the loss of a loved one, or adjusting to a life you didn’t expect.
I believe, fundamentally, that you know what’s best for yourself, even when others may not see it.
I hold compassion for you while you learn to have compassion for yourself. I support you while you learn to accept support from others. And I help you learn to decide who gets to be in your life.
I understand that adjustment periods can feel really bad– but I’ve seen people reach the other side countless times!
Who are my clients?
Individuals Grieving Loss.
Grief can manifest in many ways, not just after the loss of a loved one. It can show up when we go through changes (even positive ones), or when we feel like we missed out on the life we should have had.
Grief is a complex and deeply personal experience that we may not always recognize as such. It can be confused for anxiety and depression, and it can complicate the aftermath of trauma. I specialize in supporting individuals through their grieving process. Together, we can create room for all the ugly things you may have a hard time expressing. It’s never too much for your therapist.
Young Couples in Transition.
If you're a young couple navigating significant changes—whether it’s moving in together, getting married, welcoming children, or relocating—couples therapy can help you make these decisions together. We can get comfortable with compromise without feeling like we’re settling. Premarital and relationship counseling can provide a solid foundation for your partnership, guiding you through these transitions with clarity and connection. My training in Gottman Method Couples Therapy equips me with strategies to support you through these transitions and strengthen your relationship.
Gottman Method Couples Therapy
The Gottman Method is grounded in over four decades of research on what makes relationships thrive. This approach emphasizes building a sound relationship foundation and enhancing the friendship and intimacy between partners. It can sound a little therapist-y, but I like my couples to know what to expect. First, we go through an extensive assessment process to make sure we know where your strengths and weaknesses are as a couple. Then we focus on one or more of these strategies:
Building Love Maps: This principle involves deepening your understanding of each other’s worlds. We’ll work together to create a shared mental map of your partner’s interests, dreams, and values, fostering emotional intimacy and connection.
Nurturing Fondness and Admiration: Acknowledging and appreciating each other’s positive qualities is crucial for a healthy relationship. We’ll explore ways to express gratitude and affection, helping to create a culture of appreciation within your partnership.
Turning Toward Each Other: This principle focuses on the importance of recognizing and responding to bids for attention, affection, and support. We’ll practice being more attuned to each other’s needs, recognizing them when they arise, and essentially knowing how to show up for each other.
Managing Conflict: Conflict is a natural part of any relationship and is often one of the main reasons couples seek therapy. I’ll guide you in learning healthy conflict resolution strategies, including how to be a better listener, how to ask for your needs to be met, and figuring out your own communication patterns.
Shared Goals and Dreams: What is this relationship even about? We’ll work on creating a shared vision for your future together. This includes discussing your individual dreams and aspirations and finding ways to support each other in achieving them.
We’re not just throwing questions at each other to see what sticks. We also don’t spend a lot of time on what you already do well. This means couples therapy is more effective in a briefer period of time. Couples who engage in this approach often experience improved communication, increased emotional connection, and enhanced relationship satisfaction. Many couples report feeling more understood and supported, leading to a healthier partnership. I take an unbiased approach to helping you navigate the complexities of your relationship, equip you with valuable skills, and cultivate a strong, resilient bond as you move through this new phase of your lives.
Perfectionists and high achievers.
The tricky thing about perfectionism is: IT WORKS. Perfectionism can be a survival mechanism, especially in the midst of a critical family system. It deflects attention from our quirks and sensitivities, channeling our energy into areas we can control. However, it can also lead to feelings of inadequacy and a relentless pursuit of validation from those who may not even deserve it. While striving for excellence is commendable, feeling trapped by your own standards is not.
There’s nothing wrong with striving for excellence. It’s okay to want to improve and hold yourself accountable - this doesn’t make you a perfectionist. The difference between this and perfectionism typically lies in the aftermath. Those who simply strive for excellence use their mistakes or failures as information to adjust course (or not) moving forward. Sometimes a mistake is just a mistake!! Perfectionists see mistakes as proof of inadequacy and get derailed and discouraged by them. Therapy with me helps you learn from mistakes while holding compassion for yourself and figuring out which ones to act on and which ones are okay to accept sometimes.
Let’s pick and choose a way forward together.
Socially awkward, socially minded, anti-oppressive therapy.
My people have big feelings about local and global issues, which often leave them feeling small and powerless. We might have a love-hate relationship with social media or news apps in the age of information. When I feel void of hope or solutions, online communities have helped me feel less alone. Many of my clients are on a journey of anti-racism and anti-oppression, striving to implement their learning into their relationships, professional goals, and personal identities. This may involve confronting the ways systemic oppression and whiteness influence our expectations and emotional well-being. While this may or may not be the issue bringing you to therapy, it can impact your mental health and your relationships. It’s essential to recognize the role that societal structures play in shaping our experiences and identities, for both the marginalized and privileged parts of ourselves.
In our work together, we explore the principles of decolonizing therapy, which emphasizes the importance of cultural humility, inclusivity, and the acknowledgment of power dynamics within therapeutic spaces. We’ll actively divest from hustle culture, which often glorifies overwork and productivity at the expense of mental health, and instead focus on balancing self-care with community connection.
If you have a hard time connecting with others - either they call you aloof, or too sensitive - it might be that you’re having a hard time connecting with yourself. Therapy with me can help quiet everyone else’s expectations and opinions, give you some perspective, and help you feel more grounded & embodied. The outcomes of this type of therapy can be transformative. Clients often leave with a greater sense of agency, improved self-esteem, and reduced anxiety in social situations. Many leave therapy feeling more connected to their values and identities, leading to healthier, more authentic relationships with themselves and others.
From Survival to softness
Creatives, artists, and makers.
The creative process can be therapeutic on its own. When you’re creatively blocked, it can be not only miserable, but indicative of a deeper block in your heart.
I’ll ask you questions about your creative process and invite you to reflect on the pressure to produce meaningful work in bulk, the fear of commercial failure, and the nuanced challenges of isolating vs being vulnerable.
Perhaps you’ve never thought you could use your therapy session to process perceived rejection, or the emotional high of loved ones showering you with positive comments, and the emotional drop of coming home to a secret pile of “unsuccessful” work. We can gently explore the impact of untouched art supplies, the financial and emotional cost of sharing your work, and what it means to even equate your worth with financial compensation.
As a fellow artist, I get to bring a shared language and experience to our work that can help us uniquely understand your emotional wellbeing. How long has it been since you’ve felt inspired? I want to hear about it. We can even draw, knit, crochet, paint, and listen to music together if that’s your vibe.
Relationship skills for singles, friends, and siblings.
No Contact:
Navigating the decision to cut ties
Singles want to work on relationship skills too! Going through a friend break-up? Deciding whether to go no-contact with a loved one? Romantic relationships all feel the same? You might find that you struggle with emotional-regulation, knowing how to give and take with someone, or managing codependency or emotional avoidance. Using the therapeutic relationship as a practice ground for new skills and learning more about yourself is something ChatGPT can’t give you. Some of these skills may be familiar to you, and you may be ready to practice with someone rather than psyching yourself out on the internet.
Mindfulness: You’ll learn to cultivate awareness of your thoughts, feelings, and sensations in the present moment and respond instead of react. This will help you be proud of your choices because they’ll feel deliberate instead of out of your control.
Distress Tolerance: This set of skills helps you cope with difficult emotions and situations without resorting to your “old faithful” (and maybe unhelpful) coping skills. This way you’ll be able to respond better when you’re triggered.
Emotional Regulation: You’ll gain skills to identify and label your emotions, understand their triggers, and implement strategies to meet their needs in a healthier, more balanced way.
Interpersonal Effectiveness: This focuses on improving your communication skills and building healthy relationships. You’ll learn how to assert your needs, set boundaries, and navigate conflicts using techniques like the “DEAR MAN” method (Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce, Mindful, Appear confident, Negotiate).
Through our work together, you will not only learn these skills but also practice them in real life. This can help you feel more empowered, and also be more discerning about what relationships you want to keep or let go of.
What does therapy with you feel like in the room?
Guess what? In therapy, you are the center of the universe.
Let that sink in.
It doesn’t mean we don’t care about others. In fact, we can’t do my kind of therapy without acknowledging others.
I’m just saying, I center my client’s experience so that
1. We welcome parts of yourself that you have learned to hide;
2. You trust your own intuition, needs, and wants; and
3. My own stuff (privilege, opinions, etc.) doesn’t get in the way.
My style is explorative rather than shameful, so we might consider the origin of your presenting problem without scrutinizing your past or present self.
If you and I do not share a mutual identity or culture, it’s natural to wonder if you’ll be able to show up as your full self with me. You’ll want to know, “Am I safe with this person?”
No amount of my “safe spacing” or acknowledging my privilege will convince your body to feel safe. That is a question only you can answer. For my part, I make sure to center my client and their experience in the therapy room, while learning and observing outside of the therapy room too.
What’s important to you is important to our work.
The details
Brianna Patti, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist #155487 in California.
Completed 40 hours of Gottman Method Couples Therapy training (Level 2).
Certificate from California Consortium of Addiction Programs and Professionals to work with LGBTQIA2S+ clients
BA, Psychology from San Francisco State University
MS, Counseling Psychology from California State University, Long Beach
Outside of work, you can find me crocheting a blanket with super fuzzy yarn, sewing a purse from upcycled denim, or painting an abstract piece with one of my comfort shows on in the background.
I can guarantee that I’ll pick up on any reference from The Office or Degrassi and most Sex and the City references
I’m a proud kid of queer parents.
I’ve had dogs my whole life– mostly corgis! I’m now a proud owner of a Shih Tzu named Charlie
My current reading list includes:
Polysecure by Jessica Fern
Laziness Does Not Exist by Devon Price
What My Bones Know by Stephanie Foo
Quietly Hostile by Samantha Irby
The Friend by Sigrid Nunez
Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt
Parable of the Sower by Octavia E. Butler
Communion by bell hooks
Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer
The Best of Me by Nicholas Sparks (I love a cheesy romance novel by the pool)
I recently read:
Decolonizing Wellness by Dalia Kinsey
Strong Female Character by Fern Brady
My Grandmother’s Hands by Resmaa Menakem
The Neurodivergent Therapy Handbook by Essy Knopf
All About Love by bell hooks
We Are Never Meeting In Real Life by Samantha Irby
The Will to Change by bell hooks
The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks
Call Me By Your Name by André Aciman
Animal Farm by George Orwell
The Harry Potter Series (for the first time! #fuckjkrowlingtho